


Lamb to the Altar

by Nelja-in-English (Nelja)



Series: Porn for every Power [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Altar Sex, Asexuality, Cult Initiation, Do Not Archive, Dubious Consent, Fictional Religion & Theology, Initiation, Jealousy, Kissing, Loyalty, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-05 21:39:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16818979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelja/pseuds/Nelja-in-English
Summary: Jon is different since he came back from his coma. He embraces his role as the Archivist, and Martin told himself he wouldn't mind. Especially since Jon looks and feels happier now.But when Jon asks Martin to come and worship the Beholding with him and Elias, it's not an easy decision to make.





	Lamb to the Altar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lontradiction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lontradiction/gifts).



Jon has a hickey.

Martin hates that he has seen it. He hates how jealous he gets, it's not like Jon has talked about seeing a girl - or a boy. He hates that he wants to put his mouth at this exact same point on his neck.

He hates that he’s probably only imagining things. It could be... there could be so many other reasons. And though he's looking at it again, reddish mark in the shape of a mouth, wondering whose lips were there...

Finally he asks. It's the only way he can make it stop.

"Were you hurt?" He points at Jon’s neck. "Did a monster..." Martin stops, he can't ask all the way. "Does it need tending or..." He's really embarrassing himself.

"My little watcher," Jon says fondly. "No, I'm not hurt."

He smiles, he smiles as he touches it, and Martin feel more jealous than ever, but he still wants to know. Maybe he will get closure from his feelings at least, knowing there's no hope (maybe it will make things worse).

"So who... are you dating someone?"

He tries to ask it like a casual question, he really tries.

"I... wouldn't call it dating," Jon answers, visibly embarrassed. "Elias and I, it's... mainly a religious thing."

Elias then. Martin laughs bitterly inside. So it was a monster. He shouldn't be surprised. Jon has... He's different since he came back from his coma. He embraces his role as the Archivist, and Martin told himself he wouldn't mind. Especially since Jon looks and feels happier now.

Seems he does mind. 

And not the part he should, where they're serving a God of Fear and collecting the worst experiences of people. That one - Martin got used to it too easily. There's a strength in it, that makes him feel both humble and ecstatic. He no longer reads he statements only because he can help Jon or because Jon will listen to his voice.

"You should come too," Jon says now, like an awkward excuse. He doesn't seem to notice how hard Martin is blushing, but he still adds, "Worshipping the Beholding, I mean. It's your God too."

He looks hopeful. It's such a weird look on him, expecting something from Martin, and it has to be for this. Jon might be a monster and the Avatar of a huge Eye God, but he's still so awkward, and Martin loves him painfully.

Martin's not sure he's ever considered the Beholding as his God. He serves It, sure, and he certainly fears It (though he fears the others a great deal too). It never came to his mind to just kneel, pray, and ask something from It, though he remembers screaming at a tape recorder to wake up Jon, that one time.

Jon doesn't simply ask "Do you want to be part of this?" Maybe he should. Maybe Martin could find the answer in himself, this way.

"I think you would understand better," Jon insists. He raises a hand, as if to touch Martin, but lets it fall before. Martin's heart is beating wildly. He wonders what it looks like. He wonders if he would... get intimate with Jon, and he certainly doesn't want that with Elias, but... and of course he's deathly afraid of getting closer to the Beholding, but part of him longs for it.

In the end, he can't tell whether what convinces him is morbid curiosity or the expectant way Jon looks at him. Yes, he says. Yes, just tell me when and where and how. Tell me everything I could do for you, he thinks, as a promise he makes to himself.

* * *

"I should be glad you wanted to be here," Elias tells Martin. "Too bad Jon had to implore you for it. You know you should have been the one begging for the privilege, don't you?"

It's not what happened, and they all know it. Not exactly. Martin blushes anyway. 

'Here' is some secret room they accessed by Elias's office. It has Eye patterns everywhere, in some kind of nice symmetry, classic and airy. Martin wonders if it's Smirke's work, then he thinks about Tim and it pinches his heart unpleasantly.

Tim would hate what Martin's doing now.

The feeling of being watched, of course, is stronger than ever, stronger even than in the Archives in the deep of the night. 

"You will beg, though, before all this is finished," Elias adds with a smile. Martin is startled, lost in his thoughts as he was. He's a bit afraid, too, and his eyes silently question Jon.

"I think you will love it," Jon says, weirdly excited already, and Martin is not sure whether he's talking about the begging or the whole thing. Only being here, he feels... he feels something looking inside his heart, and he wants to please It, but he has no idea how.

But it must be what makes him so pliant when Elias orders him to go and lay on an altar. Of course he would have preferred Jon asking him. But he's aware that once he agreed to be here, he has agreed to anything that could be asked of from him. It's not... as far as he knows the only sacrifices the Eye requires are statements, and he thinks Jon will protect him. If it turns to worse. Still his heart beats wildly as he obeys, laying on his side so he can see.

"I will prepare you, Jon," Elias says. His tone is tender and reverent, so different from the one he uses with Martin, and it's painful to think about how it must feel to have someone talk to you this way. Martin hates seeing Jon smile back to Elias, without a hint of protest.

He's watching intensely as Elias undresses Jon, his hands sensually sliding on his body just a bit more than needed. Martin thinks he would do the same, and tries not to blush in shame. He tries to ignore Elias, to only look at Jon - it's the first time he’s seen his too thin torso bare, soft skin, visible collarbones and ribs, and too many worm scars Martin didn't know about. He wants to touch every one of them. He looks at Jon with despair in his eyes, and...

Jon is looking back at Martin now.

Jon's dark eyes on him make him feel so important and so unworthy at the same time, the way they dig into him, seeing truths that Martin himself can't know. He withstands the eye contact, tries to make it convey all of his loyalty. He tries to look only at Jon's eyes, if only not to stare at the rest of his body - Elias has undressed him entirely now, and Martin doesn't know which is the most surprising thing, Jon letting this happen or Elias literally kneeling to remove Jon's trousers.

Martin is not looking, not really. It's just happening in front of him. Like Elias washing Jon with what seems to be a perfumed cloth. Martin really tries to get his arousal in check, to not think dirty things. He manages not to imagine anything - but he still glimpses at Jon's soft cock and his mouth waters.

Finally Elias dresses Jon in a long robe adorned with eyes - it's not a normal garment, as Martin is sure the eyes are actually seeing - but maybe in this room any picture of an eye would follow you. 

The mix of exaltation and frustration, pleasure and sadness, gets to a more manageable level once Jon is no longer naked. Martin can think again, and is reminded of old Egyptian rituals, where the priest would do the same to the statue of a god... Martin's almost sure in this configuration he's the offering.

Then just when he's finished tying up the sash around Jon's waist, Elias kisses Jon on the lips, with a wicked smile. Jon kisses back, solemn, almost hieratic, as if it was all part of their ritual, and maybe it is. Maybe. Martin's still burning with jealousy, more than he did when Jon was naked and Elias was touching him everywhere.

He doesn't want to admit it, but Elias's smiling ease is hot - far more attractive than Martin will ever be. Also, his body seems fit and his clothes are nice. It's hard to think that Elias is a murderer, a monster, and Martin still doesn't compare.

Finally, Jon's eyes turn towards Martin again, and he feels pinned to the old stone, like he won't be able to leave or even move until Jon is finished with him.

Elias comes to him first, though. Martin is surprised, and a bit afraid, when he starts stroking his hair gently. Martin wants to tell him to stop, he really wants to. But his mouth won't obey, like it would be sacrilegious, and it does feels weirdly good. It's too good even, and Martin is shivering from head to toe.

"I see you," Elias answers to his unasked question. "I know you more than a bit. And soon Jon will know you too, and you - maybe you will see him as he really is." Elias puts it like a challenge, a bit mocking, not really vicious though. Martin wonders how much of this new leniency is the pleasure of Jon's kiss, soothing him.

He tries not to imagine what Jon's kisses would feel like. He did it often, but now seems inappropriate.

"How are you feeling?" Jon asks him. His voice is even and refined, even more than it usually is, and the compulsion enters Martin's whole body, lights fire under his skin. Suddenly he wants nothing more than to answer Jon, to tell him everything, to stop hiding behind half-truths that are not quite lies.

"I'm scared," he answers. "I'm scared, and I'm jealous and bitter, but I regret nothing. I want to be by your side. I want to know you. I want to do things for you, so you'll like me a bit more. I'm doing this for you."

"Jealous?" Jon asks. He seems to sincerely not understand, and Martin wants to kiss him. Elias' fingers twist into his hair. It feels good where it should hurt, but not as much as answering Jon's voice does. 

"Of Elias. Kissing you. Being with you."

Jon looks at him intensely, like this was a fascinating new piece of information. Martin holds back a bitter laugh. Then his breath catches in his throat, because Jon is asking again.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Jon asks. His voice is distant and powerful and it's everywhere around Martin, he's immersed in it, it's his world now.

"Yes. Right now. All the time. Well, I'm not thinking about it all the time, but I'd never say no."

Martin never wanted to say that. But it's the truth, and what he wants matters so little now. It's the Beholding too. Having every one of your little secrets exposed - well, everyone except Jon already knew this one.

He waits, and wants. Not that he'd expect Jon would actually kiss him, but he can't stop hoping.

"I still have questions for you, though," Jon whispers. He looks at Martin's face, in a way that's more possessive even than a kiss. "I have another use for your mouth and lips and tongue." 

Martin blushes hard, tries not to think about alternate meanings for this, and utterly fails. Arousal plays freely in his body. He wishes Jon would touch him. He wishes Elias would stop touching him. He can't honestly say he dislikes it, but in front of Jon, it's so _wrong_.

"What do you see in me?" Jon asks.

It could almost be a normal conversation, Martin thinks almost hysterically. All these are normal, _human_ questions, would be if they weren't taking hold on him, baring his soul for the world to see.

"You are beautiful," Martin answers. "It's not the reason I fell for you, it's because you were so clever, and always brave and resolute even when you were utterly lost, and you would never ask when you needed help but sometimes you still smiled when I offered it, and... but now everything of you is beautiful to me. I see your scars and I remember when you offered to let me sleep here to save me from Jane Prentiss, I see the wrinkle between your eyes and I remember you working so late, and how I brought you tea and as you stopped being angry with your research and looked at me you were so tired and vulnerable.”

Martin knows he’s babbling, but he can’t stop. He has too much to say. He knows it's forced, and he doesn't even want Jon to know, but he feels so good, unburdening himself from hidden secrets, becoming lighter than a cloud.

"And now... and now you’ve saved the world. You almost died saving the world. And you came back as... you're no longer fully human, I'm not blind, but you're not a monster to me. If anything, you're more than before. I don't know how to express this. They call you Archivist like it was an honor, but... it's not the title, it's only you. And you've been so _nice_ to me, consistently nicer since you've started to... change. I surprised myself, I didn't expect... but I love you even more. I would do anything for you. I would accept anything from you."

Martin wonders if Jon is surprised or disconcerted in any way, or if he just learns this like he would learn anything else. As for himself, he's trembling at his own words, thought so many times and never told, exposed now like white, untouched snow to trample.

"Is that okay to you?" he timidly asks. He feels on the edge of something terrible, all the time since this interrogation started. He needs something, to ground him from the pleasure and the pain of answering all this.

"Mainly," Jon answers. "But it's no longer _only me_. I am a conduit to my God. Do you see?"

"I'm not sure," Martin answers. "I mean, of course, when you're tearing my secrets from me this way... but I can't see exactly which parts are who, I'm afraid."

And then he adds, "I would worship you, though, if you asked."

It's not an answer to a supernatural question and it was hard to say. Martin stammers and blushes, imagining himself crawling on the ground, kissing Jon's feet. He would have done it anyway, but if Jon is his God, it feels right.

Elias laughs. "Do you know I can see what you're thinking?" he asks Martin. "Don't worry, I'll help, if Jon does't ask the interesting questions."

Martin wonders if one can die of humiliation, especially when Jon looks at Elias with a puzzled look. He doesn't take the hint though, doesn't ask what Martin is thinking about right now.

"My God wants you to," Jon just says softly, "Worship It through me."

"And you?" 

"I want what It wants," Jon answers. "And It wants you." His hand rests on Martin's arm. "It likes that you'll ask questions even if it's not your place, and I like it too."

"What should I do?" Martin asks. "Please, let me." His cheeks are blushing and his cock is pulsing. 

"Just keep going. You're doing well. What did you fear Elias would mention about you?"

"How much I want you," Martin answers. "All the fantasies I had about you. I know sex is not your thing, I really do, but I can't stop thinking about you this way. He knows that right now I want to get on my knees and suck your cock. He knows that at night when I touch myself I close my eyes and imagine you're doing it."

Jon removes his hand, and it hurts. He looks at him with so much disappointment in his eyes, and it hurts more.

"It's alright," he mutters. "It's not like it's the first thing you see about me. I know that too. But I don't want you to..."

He stops, out of words, and it's mainly a sacrilegious thought, but at this point, Martin sees only Jon, and no Beholding.

"What he means is that this is about worshipping a God, not the shape or the taste of his cock," Elias completes, a smile in his voice, so unhelpful. "I went there too."

"Are you aroused right now?" Jon asks coldly. Martin almost cries when he has to answer the one-word truth. He would like nothing more than to touch himself in the embrace of this voice, not even to touch Jon, if it didn’t elicit such disgust on Jon’s face.

"Elias," Jon asks in a distant voice. "Will you have sex with this boy for me? Wear him out and take care of this inconvenience?"

"What?" Martin can't believe what Jon is saying. He was prepared to rejection, but this... "Why?"

"It's necessary, so you can worship properly." And Martin knows it is entirely sincere, without an ounce of perversity from Jon, but it's still so wrong... and Elias hasn't answered, but he won't want to! 

"But I don't want... and I'm sure Elias doesn't..."

"You said you'd do anything for me," Jon reminds him, and his voice is softer now, but after the way Martin was wounded, this hurts too.

Martin wants to stop looking into Jon's severe eyes, but he can't, not while Jon is watching him. He's not sure he can move at all. And then, while one of Elias's hands keeps playing in his hair, the other is stroking his neck, then opening his shirt. Martin can't squirm. He could object, but he won't.

"Thank you, Elias," Jon says. "And have your fun. You probably need some... relief too."

"Why are you watching, Jon?" Martin asks, almost sobbing. "If it disgusts you so much?" He doesn't want this. He doesn't really want to be fucked by Elias, but in front of Jon, that's - that's so wrong, worse than everything.

Jon only answers: "In the end, I will watch everything anyway."

Elias easily climbs the stone altar, atop of Martin, on his hands and knees.

"Turn your head," he orders. "Look at me. You don't have to, but you know you're only hurting yourself."

It's probably true, but Martin keeps looking at Jon. Elias bites into his neck, making him shiver in unnatural pleasure.

And then his hands are touching Martin's chest and making him moan in ecstasy. And then his knee is parting his legs, and Martin thought he would resist, at least a bit. But pleasure is dancing on his skin, and he's squealing.

"You're so inexperienced," Elias whispers as he's kissing the sensitive skin under Martin's ear. "You have so many weak spots you don't even know. I could undo you so easily."

Martin is looking at him now. Elias is smiling. He seems so glad of all this awful situation. Martin wonders if Elias actually wants him. It seems so weird, and not only because of Jon - also because Martin is unnoticeable, except when he's being an annoyance, and has always been.

"Good. Keep looking at me. If you're nice I could even be merciful. Make it good for you, make it fast."

Martin nods. Maybe because he's terrified of the alternative. Elias' claims are not unfounded, and even now, the way he teases him with perfect certainty... 

Elias opens and lowers his trousers with his underwear, disclosing Martin’s hard, red, leaking cock. Elias’ soft trousers brush against it in a tantalizing way.

Maybe Elias wants to humiliate Martin, make him beg him in front of Jon after his promises of loyalty and love - or maybe he just wants to please Jon, too. It's what Martin also wants, of course, but... not like this. He could do with this if Jon was smiling, encouraging him - wait, what is he thinking?

Yes, it's wrong but Elias is not the worst part of this. Elias is... well, he's a murderer, but Martin gets that if he walks this path he should get used to it and worse. Elias scares him terribly, but he is, by every objective standard, out of his league.

"You won't have Jon," Elias tells him softly. Martin wonders if he talks from experience. He hopes so. "Oh, what an unkind thing to think from such a nice boy. And you were so complimentary until now. Yes, you won't have him. He will never compel out of you the ways you love to be fucked. He won't fill your mouth with cock to stop you talking about spiders. He won't use you and stop just when you're close, many times, until you beg for orgasm." 

Elias is still touching Martin, and Martin can't stop himself rubbing against his knee, awfully aroused from the soft touches and the cruel wrongness of Elias's words. He's saying these things in a low voice, like a secret, but Jon certainly listens, can be horrified by Martin's dirty fantasies about him, the ones Elias can seemingly access as he wishes.

"He won't let you pleasure him under his desk while he's taking statements. He won't put a collar around your neck and grab it to fuck your mouth," Elias keeps talking. "Oh, you have some nasty ones here. I don't have to explain to you that he would know, even if you really wanked into his tea, he wouldn’t..."

"Stop!" Martin is crying. "Stop it now, please."

He was told he would beg.

He's horny and terrified and he thinks he feels the Eye’s power - it's not like with Jon, it's less powerful, but it's more scary, and... is this what they wanted? Or just what they are?

"I can sure think about other subjects," Elias pinches one of Martin's nipples, it hurts exactly the right side of good. He keeps talking, so conversationally. "You certainly love to suck cock. Would you suck mine? Can I trust you not to bite me?"

It seems Martin still has enough sense of inadequacy to stutter at this. He could lie. It's not one of Jon's questions. But he's so afraid of what Elias could find out about him, maybe he would be distracted - also it's true he hasn't had the taste and heft and fullness in his mouth for so long.

"Go on with it," he finally whispers.

Elias slides over his body, and Martin opens his expensive pants himself to free his cock. It's hard - Jon hinted at this - and it looks very nice. Martin licks the head, and yes he loves this, he's too aroused to deny it now. He takes it in his mouth, licks around it, like a dirty kiss, then covers his teeth with the skin of his mouth - he was told it makes it better - and sucks desperately. He loses himself in the taste of it, the softness of the skin, the tension in his jaw, even the small noises of saliva resonating in his ears, and the irrational feeling of being useful. When Elias comes in his mouth, he swallows it all.

He's still buzzing with the pleasure of it when Elias seizes his cock with one hand while the other scratches his neck, leaving red nail marks. He makes him come hard with almost nothing.

It was physically exquisite and otherworldly, and Martin is starting to doubt again that Jon and Elias have never done it. If he had a boyfriend able to do this, he... he would enjoy it far more than an evil boss doing this to him, and already...

Elias' fingers brushes against his hip as he descends the stone altar, and Martin understands the untold message. Elias could make him go again, he could go deeper in showing Jon how much of a slut Martin is. It's so clear that he could wonder if Elias actually put the thought in his head.

Or maybe he just understands him a little better.

Martin feels piteous and scared when, after tucking himself back into his clothes, he dares to look at Jon again. But he doesn't seem as disdainful as he was; even vaguely satisfied.

"Come on," he says, and he even offers him his hand. Martin takes it, despite feeling incredibly self-conscious. He would never not take it. He wobbles a bit on weak legs.

"Can I kneel?" he asks.

"You may," Jon answers, and he smiles, a smile that seems genuine, maybe even human. Martin is too happy to fall at Jon's feet.

"I will still worship you," he says. "It's not about... my love for you is more than lust, you know." And it's true he feels void of any physical attraction to Jon right now. At least this part worked, painful as it was. "I will still answer all your questions. Did you want to test my loyalty towards you?"

He's crying again. He wonders if it would be the happy possibility, Jon not thinking all these awful things, or if this deception would be too cruel from him.

He's still holding his hand, and he's kissing it now. Jon lets him, but says nothing.

"I won't renounce you," Martin says. "And that's the reason I won't renounce the Eye, even if it turns against me, and if you do. That's what happened, didn't it? You first, and then Elias humiliating me, displaying all these..." All these truths, he thinks. "Did I do something wrong?"

Martin feels like he should have guessed all this so much earlier. But the sex was kind of distracting.

"You did nothing wrong, Martin," Jon answers. His voice is almost affectionate, and his other hand pets Martin's hair. It feels so good - Martin knows it feels good because he was so badly emotionally hurt before, but it's not the only reason, is it? It's Jon, he would always react to this. He would always melt into his hands.

(It's not only Jon, of course. He feels it better now.)

(Would he always melt to the feeling of a God taking him into its embrace?)

"You wanted to know if I would be broken," Martin says, with a cruel certainty. "If I was too afraid of the Eye, or if I would go through it." (He thinks about a statement, he thinks about Mike Crew, throwing himself by a window, he thinks about Jude Perry setting herself on fire, he thinks about all of them.) "So, what did you decide? Did I pass? Will I be a monster or a sacrifice?" 

"You already know," Jon answers. "Why do you have such a clear idea of how all this works, right now?"

Martin can stop being afraid, and it should be the right moment to become angry.

"It was not decided in advance, was it? It could have gone both ways, and you knew, you knew it when you asked me to come?"

But he can't find the anger, not at the Beholding, unsurprisingly not at Jon, not even at Elias, he can only appreciate the necessary cruelty of it, and the fact he was judged worthy. He won’t have to live the rest of his life with the feeling of being watched and deemed unsatisfactory every second.

So much has be taken from him, so he would only appreciate better what would be given to him afterwards, he knows all of this and it still works, and he's pressing Jon's hand against his face.

"Yes, of course I knew," Jon answers. "And I'm not the one to decide. But I wanted you to go through it and come back as more. And I suspected you had it in you. I'm glad."

Martin shouldn't be so delighted at someone being glad he's not suffering a terrible fate. It should be the default. He should have gotten used to it since Jane Prentiss and all. But Jon is a monster now, and... Martin wasn't sure before, he realizes he wasn't.

"And Elias wouldn't have minded either way..." Martin keeps going. Not that it's important, he's just testing the limits of his new power. Or maybe knowing is the most important thing of all.

“Do you hate it that much?” he asks. “Me, wanting you? Because I have no idea how to stop.”

“It’s not… I hate that I don’t want to know about it, this part of your feelings, and I should. I should know everything. Can we please ignore this for now?”

A normal, non-supernatural question. Martin nods. He’s ready to ignore it forever, as long as the Beholding lets him.

"Do you want to stand up?" Jon asks. Once again, Martin doesn't have to confess that he doesn't, not really, he loves the kneeling, personally, and as a deep mystical feeling. But he does want even less to offend Jon by starting to desire him again. So he clings to Jon's hand, to be able to stand.

"So, what am I, now? What will change?" he asks to no one in particular, playing a defiance he doesn't really feel. He's no longer human, probably. Not that it matters. He would be an hypocrite if he felt bad about it, after deciding that for Jon it doesn't matter.

Elias doesn't answer. Jon neither, but he reacts by catching on Martin's arm. He brings him close, and puts his lips on his.

It's chaste, and soft, and heavenly, as Martin is kissed by the man he loves for the first time, and as he kisses his God back.


End file.
